9 Ways to Be More Assertive
Living as a shy person cannot work for you in the real world. In a professional, social and academic setting, people can easily take advantage of your timid personality. Therefore, to survive in the ruthless world outside, it is essential to train yourself to be assertive.
Assertive training allows you to maintain a balance between being too dominating and too submissive. It offers a middle ground which encourages you to make compromises while also getting your opinion heard. The following guide includes detailed tips on how you can be more assertive in life:
Understand what you want
The first rule of assertiveness is being the smartest person in the room. Before you speak to another person, you should have a list of goals in mind regarding what you need to say. For instance, if you want to assert yourself and hire a pay someone to do my essay service, you need to create a list of instructions for the writers at the company. You can plan the following:
- Use APA citation and references.
- Write in a formal tone.
- Use advanced vocabulary.
Once these goals are clear to you, you can narrate them to the assigned writer. This will allow you to be in control of what you are saying, without confusing yourself or the writer.
Know your worth
The common reason why you have the tendency to give into other people’s demands is that you do not know your worth. When you are confused about the value of the outcome, or if you feel that you do not deserve to have things done your way, you restrict yourself from asserting your opinions.
Therefore, you can only become assertive if you believe that your opinion or your perspective deserves to be heard. You must convince yourself to express your point of view, even if other people do not support it. The only person you would need support from is you!
Practise with your mates
Assertive training requires time. You cannot become a fully confident individual overnight. Instead, you are required to practise by coming up with different scenarios. This will improve your ability to think swiftly on your feet. However, as you will require another person for the role-play exercises, it is recommended that you seek assistance from a friend. Starting this process with a friend is easier as it would place you in a relatively comfortable environment.
Additionally, if you have some conflict with a friend because you are not assertive, you can practise this technique by informing your friend about your feelings, For instance, if your best friend takes your clothes without returning them, you can express your concerns to them. If their behaviour is not modified, you can assert yourself and prevent them from borrowing your clothes.
Fake your confidence
Sometimes, you have to fake your confidence, even if you are extremely scared. The statement, ‘fake it till you make it’ is widely popular because it is true. Whenever you are having a conversation which requires you to show confidence, pretend that you are confident with the decision.
To fake confidence, you can learn the material you need to say and rehearse it before speaking out loud. This rehearsal will prevent you from using filler words, which will make you sound less confused.
Say things from your perspective
Most of the time, assertiveness can come off as dominating behaviour. This is because when you say things using other people as the target of your conversation, you end up highlighting their flaws. Instead, you can apply an alternative approach which allows you to express your concerns using yourself as the target of conversation. For example, you can say, ‘Stacy, I feel upset when you ask me to do your homework. I have a lot going on right now, so I do not have the time for your work.’
Use the ‘I wish’ statements
Similar to the statement above, the use of ‘I wish’ or similar statements can change the focus of the receiver’s attention. If you rephrase what you need to say, the person will perceive the sentence to be friendly. For example, instead of saying, ‘Karen your idea is not relevant enough,’ you can say, ‘Karen, I wish I could include your idea as well, but I feel that it lacks the relevancy in regards to what we are trying to portray in this project.’
Don’t turn assertiveness into a competition
There is a fine line between being assertive and being dominant. Assertiveness can easily cross over to the domain of dominance if you make arguments to win. Engaging in a healthy debate is okay, as long as you are ready to make a compromise and meet the other person halfway. If you intend to win, regardless of the consequences, you can become dominant, which can be harmful in the long run.
Learn to say ‘NO’
Saying ‘no’ can be extremely difficult. Particularly, if you have to say it to someone who is really counting on an affirmative answer. However, there are situations where you have to say no, no matter how uncomfortable it gets for you. You do not have to provide justifications or rationalisations to support your response.
Know that you cannot control someone else’s behaviour
Most people in your life feed off of your shy nature. Therefore, when you succeed at assertive training, these people can get offended by your new attitude. However, you need to avoid letting them affect your progress. If the person truly supports you and wants the best for you, they will get on with your new character trait as well. It is important to know that you cannot make someone like you, and you cannot control the way they react to you. You can let the chips fall where they may, and focus on your own behaviour.
Assertive training can help you in all areas of life. It will allow you to get your voice and opinions heard and take credit for the hard work that you put in. So, learn to stand up for yourself, even if it makes other people uncomfortable!